https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/blog daily 0.75 2020-05-15 https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/blog/f8zhayvjcleyf94tfpz3rp6vh5n8fh monthly 0.5 2020-05-01 https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/blog/springing-to-life monthly 0.5 2020-05-01 https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/blog/why-does-it-excite-me-so-much monthly 0.5 2020-05-01 https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/blog/morning-sucks-but-croissants-are-good monthly 0.5 2020-05-02 https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/blog/the-gift-of-volunteering monthly 0.5 2020-05-05 https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/blog/anger-inspiring-my-1st-series monthly 0.5 2020-05-06 https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/blog/trying-not-to-drown monthly 0.5 2020-05-05 https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/blog/feeling-accomplished monthly 0.5 2020-05-03 https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/blog/over-a-hurdle-its-been-hard monthly 0.5 2020-05-15 https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/home daily 1.0 2023-07-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1588208528285-C2BDGTKKFZ3IV8A2BRA7/7516CC5B-910B-4F0E-906D-A83107593734.jpg https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1588206940235-0UKPQAH1Z4CF4CWRBKAR/IMG_1448.jpg https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1588207591970-IRZI915NSTXZL7UZQJCN/fullsizeoutput_15cd.jpeg https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1588189976767-8KW6WZVPTDCSL98YQ4TT/IMG_2658.jpg Home - Feeding my soul while soothing my mind… Come explore the world with me as I eat my way through life https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/contact daily 0.75 2020-04-30 https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/about daily 0.75 2020-05-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1588190349868-V1IVQAKOPFFBVHIKT4T4/IMG_1837.jpg About Selfie 2020 https://www.musingsofapassionatemind.com/new-page daily 0.75 2023-07-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/a785e48a-03d9-471a-99b8-2b6faf4cba32/IMG_3646.jpeg https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/244318e4-6708-4e77-97f0-978db6ce979a/IMG_7367.jpg https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1588273506745-NEBM9UOD3OUPCX91AVPT/IMG_1406.JPG Posts - Anti-Asian Racism in Canada With the rise in anti-Chinese and anti-Asian racism around the world during this pandemic, it’s fuelled a fire in me that has not been raging for sometime. It’s easy for Canadians to look southwards and claim that racism doesn’t exist in Canada or deflect by comparing ourselves to our American neighbours. The fact is that racism is very much alive and well in Canada and the recent attacks on Chinese people in Vancouver and across Canada calls for a much deeper discussion on this long running issue. This series of posts will poke and provoke people. It will create discomfort. It is meant to. The discomfort and negative feelings are indicators that deeper work needs to be done. Whether it is triggering your lived experiences with racism or defensiveness around white privilege, this is the time to do the work. We must stop being polite Canadians in order to bring this issue to the forefront. It is time for people of colour (PoC) to increase our self care and find ways during this pandemic to take up space, be seen and heard. For white people, this is the time to unpack your white privilege and ask how you can be allies to make our collective communities healthier and safer. We, PoC, can continue to defend ourselves and fight for equal rights but the truth is we need our white allies. Let’s not pussy foot around this, white people hold the seats of power. They are the ones who have the capacity to make wide sweeping, impactful change. This will not happen unless the work is done together. We continue to educate and demand, while our allies use their privilege to support us in achieving true equity and equal human rights. In this series, I will discuss the complexities of racism. All oppression has 3 facets, the individual experiences, cultural biases and systemic oppression. Without understanding the interconnectedness of these facets, we cannot do the deep work to eradicate the pain and suffering it causes to our communities and ourselves. The 3 instalments in this series are meant to educate, provoke thought and hopefully fuel discussions that will inspire people to action. This series is written through my deep rooted belief that most people in this world, 99.9%, are wonderful, caring people with good intentions and no ill will. This divisiveness is because we are all products of our societies. Societies need to change. This pandemic has amplified this long standing fact. My hope is that this series will awaken those who have been disengaged, inspire those who have been warriors throughout this fight, and add fuel to demand action. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1589579240758-AZI1WRXUL6VAHOGDTL14/IMG_1100.jpg Posts Mukan, Mexico, January 2020 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1589567401734-T0UK0CR3W0QD09KAT1WH/IMG_5868.JPG Posts Sun Moon Lake, March 2019 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1588533980067-G78J4RTQSEA4ZBH12OOH/IMG_2512.jpg Posts https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1588534111623-GLEAS08YWUJJKOXDIVJ7/IMG_2508.jpg Posts https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1588533739679-8FZ59NO7UTKKQ7DL81W0/IMG_2511.jpg Posts https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1588355107567-VC3MIK0XRKENNNDTN9F1/IMG_2487.JPG Posts - Impactful Shopping… Look Good + Feel Good + Support Women Friday May 1st, 2020 Big congrats to the Battered Women’s Support Services (BWSS) for launching their new online store for My Sister’s Closet!!!!! I am so proud to be part of the team that made this happen. Since moving here in 2018, we always drove by this pretty store on a corner in Yaletown. The name caught my attention because there is a well-known lingerie store in Toronto with the same name but they didn’t look anything like it. Turns out, they’re better! A beautiful social enterprise that sells gently used, preloved, donated clothes. Their two physical locations in Vancouver curate a wide selection of quality merchandise for all genders. What makes this store and BWSS standout for me is their strong ethics and awareness of their social impact. They work off of what I call an anti-oppression framework - an intersectional, anti-colonial, anti-discrimination and equity focused way of working. Everything in the stores are donated. What doesn’t meet their stringent criteria is donated to other local organizations in need. The store is staffed by volunteers and all proceeds go towards the amazing programs they offer such as counselling for the children who witness abuse. I truly wish an organization like BWSS existed when I was growing up. That counselling would have helped my sister and I greatly to reduce the sufferings we experienced as adults. It may have even salvaged my family connections. Having a place that could help my mother with the internalized guilt she carried by understanding her cultural view and traumas from war and migration would have helped all of us. Knowing that BWSS exists, warms my heart beyond words. The dedication of the staff, especially during COVID-19, is awe inspiring. Their demand for services has gone up 300%. Staff, including managers, are manning the crisis hotline 24/7, and all this with reduced income because the stores are closed. Out of this storm is the silver lining….they finally have an online store that brings some of their best items to you at home. Guilt free, socially contributing shopping for great clothes and accessories (many of which I helped to pick) that will support so many women and children in need. Wherever you are in this world, I hope you check them out in the link below. They have beautiful clothes at super reasonable prices (I’ve been nagging them about increasing their prices). This is an amazing venture that I hope you will also share broadly with your friends and loved ones. Lord knows I can’t wait to get my Fendi sandals and am very much enjoying the white off the shoulder lace top from an exclusive Italian designer that retailed for $1700 and I got for $75 (and that was after some haggling with them. They only wanted $50). Enjoy shopping!!!!!!!! Photo courtesy of My Sister’s Closet and BWSS https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1588281980389-17ZK7A6P7WO097S6UNBD/IbfOSRgSSeiwGSXoXtQkag.jpg Posts - Waking Up to My Traumas… Saturday May 2nd. 2020 Woke up this morning with the unwelcomed whirl of negative thoughts that haunt me more often than not these days. The haunted feeling that has been part of me for as long as I can remember comes and goes. It used to be a permanent resident of my mind that revisited less often over time until recently. These hauntings, as I now call them, are my past traumas coming back to life as I am triggered by what is happening around me. It’s soul wrenching to see experiences that I had as a teen replay itself in the people I love now. Trauma is not a new concept. It has just taken on a much different meaning and awareness now in our communities as we learn what it really means. Growing up, I understood trauma as a dramatic, negative event like rape, war or murder. I never thought what I was going through – the subtle emotional and psychological manipulations and neglect – as trauma. It is no surprise that I ended up with a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). As aware as I am that this is a struggle I will carry with me throughout life, I thought I had a handle on things. After nearly 2 decades of therapy, I truly believed I had found the balance in my life to not be affected so deeply by it. Boy, am I wrong! The blessing and curse of lived experience is you have a strong indicator of what is to come, like watching a train speed down the course knowing the wreck is around the corner. You can’t jump in front of it without hurting yourself and the pain of watching it happen is re-traumatizing since you’ve lived through it before. Adding to the stress is the inability of those around you to see it since they’ve never experienced it before, or are in the eye of the storm and can’t see what is coming their way. Trauma and the healing work that follows happens in stages. I spent years devoting my time and efforts to achieve the feeling of safety and stability. Not an easy task when I was still cycling through the same patterns with my family in everyday life. More often than not, 2 steps forward resulted in taking one step back. It was the hardest part of the journey until now. It felt liberating to have stability and to begin redefining my life for myself, on my terms. It did also come with sadness- the sadness of losing my traditional family for good. This was the point in my life when I self-identified as an emotional orphan. My family was dead to me and grieving that took time. I spent many years defending my choice and people’s assumption that I had no family values. Functioning and/or happy families are a privilege. It’s the privilege of living without the deep, complex and (sometimes) intergenerational trauma and/or having the resources to work through them. It’s not a privilege my family had, and it was not due to financial issues but rather cultural. That grieving period brought me to the acceptance of my parents through empathy and knowing that our paths will never physically cross again. I’m good with that. It brings me peace knowing that they’re just as broken as I am and I am just as strong as they are. My only hope is that I will not do as much harm as they did to us. Their actions influenced me to live my life with a conscious effort to do no harm. One good thing that came out of it. It’s the primary reason I never had kids. The thought of breaking the intergenerational suffering is too daunting and exhausting. I thought I was home free….pun intended. Life was stable and I had found the balance I needed to let my emotional baggage go. The night terrors were rare. The whirling negative thoughts mostly subsided. I had built a new chosen family of people who loved and cared for me in a way my family never could. I worked on some core self-esteem issues and opened myself up to much deeper loves…Love of rewarding work…Love of community…Love of self…and the Love of others. I firmly believe that my relationship with my Other Half would not have happened if I hadn’t done this work. I wouldn’t have been open to him and I wouldn’t have appreciated him. This work also gave me some of the resources that keep me from falling off the emotional cliff as I navigate this distressing time. As my therapist explains it, the feeling of being constantly attacked since the day I moved here has weakened my nervous system. It is no wonder I am a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown. The traumas that I see playing out around me is more than just a trigger, it is a danger. It’s dangerous because it can set me back from all the hard work I have done over the past 2 decades. As much as my Other Half and I try to minimize the harm of what is happening around us, the years of going through this has taught us that we cannot change “crazy”. (Please note that I use this term purposefully and define it as repeating the same behaviours over and over again while expecting better results.) We cannot expect change from people who suffer so much that they cannot see the harm they are unintentionally doing. A revisiting of the fact that my parents will never understand the harm they did to us. It’s how they stay safe and functional. Since I can’t change others, I have to learn to rework my thinking and find away to self-regulate better to integrate this “new normal” into my life. My understanding of reality is clear and crisp. What I see is well rooted in my emotional wisdom gained through my lived experiences. My reactions, as passionate and emotional as they are, are perfectly healthy and normal for me. What needs working on is how I react and think about the toxic environment that we’re in. Does this mean I continue to run and hide in the dog’s room when craziness comes around? Maybe and that’s okay for now. Does it mean we build a 6ft fence around the front of the house to keep the negativity out? Probably not, though it has crossed my mind. What I do know is it will take a lot of time. Just as this will be a challenge we have to face for the duration of this lifetime, it will not be easy to integrate craziness into my life. I was not able to do it with my family and yet I cannot walk away from it now. Clearly, the universe wants me to work through this in order to grow. To ease the heart palpitations building in my chest as I write this, I remind myself that this third stage is a privilege. I would not be at this stage of my healing if it weren’t for the privilege of 2 decades of therapy. I would not get through this if I didn’t have my current therapist and my tribe. Even during this COVID-19 crisis and working the mental health frontline, they always find the energy to support my ranting and venting. The fact that my Other Half holds and supports me to be gentle with myself because we are navigating this shit show together is reassuring – this too is a privilege. The god honest truth is that this all feels like crap. It’s exhausting and overwhelming. How this will play out, I have no idea. What I do know is that I am hopeful. I have been through so much worse, so many times and always land on feet. Life has blessed me with a bountiful of things that I need to trust all of this is happening for the better. We just need to journey through this chapter of our lives mindfully and with the support of all the resources we have around us. This too shall pass… If you would like to learn more about trauma recovery, I have added a link to a site that has a brief explanation and resources. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1588285683529-1VJR1EOEOFCB6A8XQ0JF/IMG_4669.JPG Posts Cholon, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam 2018 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ea9c91e728543628e874f55/1588207720645-356Q0XCHP6HZ3OM5B6LO/IMG_2116.jpg Posts Ullastret, Spain 2019